Death really shouldn’t be funny. After all, never ask for whom the bell tolls; it’s tolling for thee, schmuck, which means we all should feel that little shiver of empathy that affirms our humanity when hearing of anyone’s death. Nevertheless, sometimes, you just can’t help but laugh.
And so it was with the death of General John Sedgwick, the highest ranking officer killed in battle during the American Civil War. He died at the battle of Spotsylvania, in Virginia, and his last words have gained a rightful place of honor in American folklore.
The general was in command of the VI Corps of the Army of the Potomac. Like many great generals from Washington to Napoleon to Patton, he had a reputation for not batting an eyelash under fire. But on May 9, 1864, he should have batted one, for a group of Confederate snipers had already begun sporadic firing before the battle, and the men along the Union lines were getting a little spooked. The sharpshooters were about a thousand yards away.
But snipers were getting better in this period, and so were their rifles. It’s often been noted by historians that, in many respects, the absolute bloodbath of the Civil War was a tryout for the equally pointless carnage of World War I; many of the tactics of that conflict, including trench fighting, were first tried out on the bloody battlefields of Virginia and Pennsylvania. And the use of snipers, which had been done at least since the Battle of Trafalgar in 1804, when sharpshooters went up the shrouds and picked off officers from above, was really coming into its own during the Civil War, a tactic that would remain fixed in all armies ever afterward.
And so, as men were ducking for cover, General Sedgwick had the bad taste and the worse sense to walk up and down the line, chiding them for their supposed cowardice.
“They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance!” he finally shouted.
And then promptly dropped dead, from a bullet right between the eyes. You know, some people are just asking for it.
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